Wednesday, January 5, 2011

You're gonna miss this..

I heard this song in the car the other day after my first day at home with the 2 kids on my own (Si had gone out for the day with free tickets to the Brisbane International, so really - it was probably only about 4 hours on my own).  But details aside - it had been a long 4 hours. I couldn't get Lola to go down for a sleep, so to punish her I wouldn't let her watch what she wanted on the TV.  Instead I made her watch cricket.. That makes me eligible for parent of the year award.. I know.  But I was tired, and I was mad at her because she wouldn't go to sleep. But mainly I was mad that I didn't know how to handle the situation better. Oh, and that I wasn't going to get an hour and a half to myself while she slept. 

Then it was time to go pick Si up, and this Trace Adkins song came on the radio (98.9fm - best station ever). I'd heard it before, but it had never 'spoken to me' like it did on this particular day.   And I decided he was right, and that I needed to be told that in the midst of all this - that I'm going to miss this stage of my life when it passes. Everyone always says children grow up so fast, and before you know it they're moving out of home and on with their own lives - but when you're up to your elbows in poo, and your 2 year old is telling you "No mummy - don't say 'no' to me again", you can only 'wish' that the time would go as fast as they say.. 

But on this day, and with these lyrics ringing in my ears - I realised that I've always been guilty of wanting to hurry life along to the next bigger and brighter stage.  And when I get there, looking back a little longingly at the things that I can no longer do.  

But I trust that where I'm at now, is exactly where I'm meant to be. And I wouldn't want to be here without Simon, Lola or Andrew.  And I'm determined that I won't wish these early years of our marriage - or our children's lives away.. I will live more in the moment.  I will enjoy all 24 hours of every day that I get. And I will never again subject my children to cricket as a form of punishment.  No amount of bad behaviour deserves that.

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