Friday, December 17, 2010

I've been busy

Well, I thought I'd been busy. That was up until 5 days ago when our new baby boy arrived. Now I realise that life before that date was not so busy after all.  Sure, the nights were long.  Trying to sleep when you're 9 months pregnant is not fun. But I guess in a way it prepares us for what's coming.

But the biggest challenge of all has come from left of field.  My biggest worry has been trying to show a 2 year old girl that her mama and papa have enough love for a whole extra person in their family.  I had thought that her excitement about her new baby brother was going to be enough to get us through this period - but I think I'd underestimated the power of a 2 year old's emotions.  She's definitely excited he's here, and she loves her new baby brother to pieces.  But since his arrival, she's been what I like to call 'emotionally volatile'.. Having said that - she's probably only mirroring my own emotions :) Filled with love one moment, crying with unabandon the next.  I really thought I'd escaped the emotions this time, but they creep up on me when I least expect it.  The wierd thing is - I was weepy for weeks after her birth - but that was more of a 'I don't know what I'm doing and I can't believe they've trusted me to bring this little, helpless, beautiful baby girl home'. But this time, the weepiness comes when I feel like she's missing out on something that we all took for granted before our baby boy arrived. Or when I rouse on her for being too rough when she tries to kiss her brother. Luckily we have Daddy home with us for the next 4 weeks, and so far he's been there to meet her every need. Although I feel guilty that I get to snuggle and nurse a beautiful, trusting new baby boy - and he has to endure the painful cries of "I want Mummy to do it" when he tries to help Lola with things.

But still being in the middle of this ride - it's hard to see whether it's been bumpy all the time - or whether I'm only focussing on the bumps right now.  But rather than feel guilty at turning her life upside down, I'm going to hope that this time is character building for her. She's learning to love a new person, she's learning to share her Mum and Dad's time, and she's learning that her parents aren't perfect, and are really just doing the best that they can do.  I tell her every day that I'm trying to be the best Mum I can be, and she says 'ok mummy'. She's a beautiful girl and we're all looking forward to a wonderful Christmas together as a family of 4.